Monday, 29 October 2007

Dick the Unethical Stats Analyst: The idiot that counts fraudulent numbers

Brand Killer Robots reveal::
Like a spider driven by an invisible force doth Dick the stats analyst crawl through the web of his various numerical repositories. Like a superhero doth he weild the figure models in his head. Slicing and dicing the data into tangiable morsels of value that can cause revelations on the executive top floor.

Only Dick has the key. Only Dick knows how the data should be integrated with the perspective to make sense. Like a greedy spider doth Dick the stats analyst cling jealously to his throne. Sharing out only the fragments of his knowhow that make him feel safe. Sharing in such a way that appears to be in the company's interest, when exactly the opposite is true.

Like a threatened spider doth Dick the stats analyst resist the truth of his ways.
The truth that Dick is not working in the company's interests
The truth that Dick knows that he has been found out
The truth that Dick now wishes to cover his tracks

So cover his tracks he did.

Like an ignorant spider, doth Dick the stats analyst still count numbers
Still crawl through repositories
Still weild figure models in his head
Still slices and dices data into tangiable morsels
Still causes revelation on the executive top floor

Had Dick not been so dirty, so deceitful, so frightened!
Dick might have noticed that the data was under investigation by the serious fraud office
And decided to take a less ill informed route

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